My soul is roving, waiting for a flash of opportunity, to feel excited and passionate about something with true meaning. My soul has been like this for years, and I have just received the diagnosis in one word: restless. 

My pastor took me out for lunch the other day and we were discussing life. I was describing to him my feelings about being a student and where my life was headed, etc. He broke the news gently to me when he said that he felt that I was the type of person to always feel restless. [Insert mental breakthrough here]. There it was! It wasn’t news that I was particularly happy to hear, but my condition had finally been named. 

I am full of dreams. I am curious. I am adventurous. I am always wondering what’s next. And I am frequently met with disappointment. I desire my life to be a National Geographic moment, but instead I receive an assignment to read a book about somebody else’s enthralling life. What does that mean, when I reach for the sky and all I get back is a tiny snowflake? No wonder I feel restless; I am flailing and exhausting my efforts without taking time to acknowledge and receive the details that make up the bigger picture. 

And I thought that I was good at sabbath. 

It’s impossible to appreciate milk when you’re trying to chug the whole gallon because your body flat out rejects it. But think of taking the first sip of milk after eating, say... a christmas sugar cookie: appreciation for milk and its refreshing quality skyrockets and makes you want to come back for more. 

I should tell my restlessness to take a back seat so that I can focus on the little things, including the mundane daily routine, and learn to appreciate them. My hope is that I will be surprised by meaning found in unexpected joys. Especially this Christmas season, I hope to be blindsided by the most unexpected miracle of all: Jesus, who is the flash of passion in the night sky of my soul. Take a breath with me now, and we can rest easy together. 

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear by Ella Fitzgerald. 

Merry Christmas! 

. 

Oh, Seattle.

This past saturday I had the pleasure of attending a house concert. This is a clip :)
The girl on the left is Emily and I work with her at the Greenbean, her mom is in the middle and the dude on the right is Mark, who I know from church and the Greenbean also.
Enjoy this talented group of musicians!

I love working at the Greenbean. Being able to walk into work and see several familiar faces is really cool. The customers are great! Just recently, a customer went to Turkey and bought me a souvenir. I felt really special that a customer would do that for me.
Just as I feel like I've developed a routine and a community is when I leave, of course.
Almost daily, someone (if not just one person, then two or three) asks me how much longer I have here. Followed up with "don't leave! we'll miss you." This is a little sad as I will be leaving people that I have come to care for, but encouraging because this makes me realize that my presence here as been received well.

close your eyes. (not literally).

just imagine yourself standing
with your arms at your sides.
plain & simple.
doing nothing but being.

Jesus loves you.



this essentially summarizes a meditation we did for church last Sunday night.
I think it's great because it focuses on the very thread that Jesus loves us.
And for some reason, I feel like that thread can get overlooked quite often.
There are so many distractions throughout our day that call our attention more demandingly.
He sure is humble, that guy Jesus.
Just being patient and all, waiting for us to take a breath and feel content in Him for just a moment. {at the very least}.

Just be. No
phoniness* please.




*The Catcher in the Rye reference to the storyteller, Holden.


.

bubble tea.

I absolutely love bubble tea. Smackin on the tapioca pearls is my favorite part.
Grand Rapids, I hope you have some bubble tea joints.

This is day three of awesome weather right now.
Not a cloud in sight. It gets warm on my back. I'm donning shades. Way to go summer!

I have recently taken a short trip to Vancouver, BC.
Spiro and I drove up Monday night and stayed through Wednesday morning. The weather could not have been better! On our drive back we could spot every mountain.

Someone just told me of this today... kudos to her!
www.onedressprotest.com


.

life's a puzzle.

I feel compelled to write this, because it fits so nicely with recent posts.

I go to a church. Called Roots.
This church is unlike any church I've frequented.
Because, this church is a conversation.
The entire time is fellowship, worship, and reflection.

Tonight's topic was about touch.
We shared how touch is so necessary and how our society is so parched from its benefits.
Basically, we feel better when we are hugged.
Just admit it, we're all softies.

So do yourself and the world a favor, and go hug someone!


.

God is a relationship.

I don't know how they did it.
Hermits, I mean.
A life alone?
Who do they tell about their day?
Who can they hug?
Would not their presence become stale to themselves?

I would wither.
I would not thrive.
But to thrive,
I need people. I need laughter! I need conversations.
I need relationships.
why? Because I need God.
God is a relationship.
Three beings. All in a perfect relational setting.
Three points in a plane is the sturdiest.

I love this about God.

holding hands.

There is the sweetest little Cuban lady that I see quite frequently at church, the Greenbean, out walking, etc. Her name is Rosa and I think she is so amazing. She's quite chatty, but despite her talkative ways, she has a lot to talk about! She has a way of incorporating Jesus/love in any conversation and how He has worked in her life. Her lifestyle and perception of other people's lives are so finely tuned in with Jesus, it's just so inspiring. Her vision and experience of the Gospel is so earthy and real. Any day I see her I ask her what she's been up to for the day and she'll respond that she's been "fishing." (for people... as in, "fishers of men")
One of the things I love about her is that she has a real dependance and faith in God. I find that so often I can get caught up in issues like money and thinking "if only I had more money..." etc. And it reminds me that I don't want that baggage!
Rosa also does a lot of hugging and hand touching. It is so heart warming. I was standing with her the other day and she simply reaches and holds my hand. Human touch can be so effective!

fresh like fruit.

I am truly happy when I eat fruit. it is just so tasty and juicy and FRESH.
the Pacific Northwest resembles fruit in the way that it is fresh. I had a couple ferry rides yesterday getting to Port Orchard to help with my cousin's pirate themed birthday party. On this ferry ride it was very much refreshing. to step out on the upper deck and feel the crisp breeze, to watch the birds fly above the water, and see trees and mountains in the distance... it was beautiful.
I am anxiously awaiting the days of summer so that I can fully immerse myself in the nature and beauty of this place.
I read in a book once that God can use seasons to romance us to Him. These seasons can change from year to year but this year I can definitely tell that God is wooing me with summer. It's like I want to take a bite out of the scenery. A while back on a walk, I just had it in my head how much I wanted to "drink" in the cherry blossoms. Inadvertently I have the hunger and desire to consume God and what is His.
(All these thoughts remind me of Flannery O'Connor and the Eucharist.)

So I invite you, my few fellow followers, to celebrate this upcoming week before Easter and enjoy the freshness in this life He has given us. Eat fruit! Be messy with it! let it get all over your hands and face. Get outside. put some rad sunglasses on and jam out to music. Friends-- be happy! and think of the resurrection while you're at it.

blossoms.

I have seen beauty today!
Spiro and I went to the University of Washington's campus to see the cherry blossoms, because they are spectacular in spring! I felt like I walked into a dream. Or maybe a Vampire Weekend song. The buildings surrounding the "courtyard" with trees are old and I daresay may be cousins of the buildings in New England. After that we visited the library, which reminded me of New York's public library. The staircase we took was almost identical to one in Harry Potter!

I got caught in the rain on my way home today. It takes me 15-20 minutes and it was miserable. Usually the rain is quite light but it was really coming down. The weather can be really wishy washy. It can be sunny one moment and really cloudy and rainy the next! It's crazy.

licorice spice tea.

today was glorious! and where was i? stuck inside. making coffee. oh well.
i'm still learning how to do really nice looking foam art. and then when i do make the lattes look nice, i feel really successful! i tend to make really delicate looking abstract foam.
i recently discovered that licorice spice tea is incredibly awesome.

there is this family that comes in quite often that walks to the greenbean. there is a few girls and a little boy. the eldest, in 3rd grade is so talkative! and very smart. she's really fun to talk to. She is really good at unicycling and that's how she gets around. her school has a unicycling program. I was explaining to her today about capillary action and how an example of it is when i fill the cups really full and they look like they're going to overflow, yet though don't. at any rate, she called it cappuccino action. :)

well.. i don't know what else to say for now.
till next time!

sunny days hooray!

the weather has been phenomenal! the sun is shining and it's decently warm.
it's getting my soul ready for the summer.
I think about lake Michigan and the dunes, of Mackinac Island, of Tasty Treat, and of campouts with bon-fires.
As I walk to and fro between my abode and the Greenbean, I listen to my ipod (everyone does out here)
and today I was listening to one of my favorite musical groups, Vampire Weekend. They are so upbeat and creative and awesome and they make me think of the word nautical.
this past Sunday, I went to Roots church where Simon Cunningham pastors. I met a girl whose nickname is Spiro. Last night we hung out and she took me on a driving tour through some parts of Seattle. I had my first fish and chips (pretty de-lish) at Spud's and then we had a second dinner by preparing salmon in her apartment.
I invite you at this time to take a look on the right side of my blog and read my dislikes section.
As you will notice, seafood is highlighted as one of my dislikes. As of last night... i quite enjoy it.
Not all seafood however, I don't like prawn or shrimp.

At the Greenbean I will be doing some artsy projects as part of my internship.
Today I started a project.
I am in the process of painting a chess/checkerboard on a table for the Greenbean. I was inspired by this during my time with the Vanderwerf's when Jake and I went to a cafe and played checkers on the table with chess pieces.

Jumping back to Sunday night again....After church a small group of us walked to Saint Marks Cathedral (an episcopalian church) for the Compline choir. It's a group of men/priests? who sing prayers and such.
Acapella. The place was packed full of people wanting to hear. People were strewn everywhere! Sitting in the pews, laying down with pillows and blankets (we did that) or just finding anyplace to sit against the walls. the voices of the men and their harmonies were melt-and-give-you-goosebumps-beautiful.
Spiro mentioned that her atheist friends even go just because of the beauty of it all. Beauty is such a universal concept and can really bring people together. Great, eh?
Seattle is awesome.

bus schedule, please.

Today was my 3rd day working at the greenbean. I learned how to do all the coffee stuff so now I feel like I'm really living in Seattle! And, I rode the bus today all by myself!
Now if I can just find a bike.

There is a place. Called Cupcake Royale.
There is a cupcake. Called Lavender.
There is a girl. Called Curious.
Curious got the cupcake.
Curious has a new name. Called Surprised.



this may seem like any ordinary harmless cupcake, but rest assured, it has destroyed my conception of a good cupcake. THIS, my fellow followers, is the best cupcake i've ever had. (And lavender? i thought that was strictly candle territory.)

The United States of America.

I just spent two glorious weeks on Vancouver Island with some awesome people, and now I feel like I'm on Phase 2. (I played Phase 10, the card game, quite a bit last week).

Tomorrow I head to Seattle. I'm a little unsure of what's going to happen this week.
It's crazy to me how quickly I'm transitioning from being on Vancouver Island to going right in Seattle.
These past few weeks I'm realizing how easy it is for me to feel settled someplace so fast!

I'm also realizing what a can simple conversation with a stranger can do.
Riding the Ferry back to Seattle I sat next to a lady and her husband. And what do ya know? She's excited for me to be traveling and she understands why... because she's from Ohio.
Then I'm walking off the ferry and talking with two ladies. What's to be discovered? One of the ladies lives in a neighboring community of which I will be living in, she knows the coffeehouse of where I'll be working and she knows a lot of people from Michigan. (Then the guy in front of us is all like "I just moved here from Michigan five months ago!")
THEN, the other lady finds out that I have to walk to another Pier a mile down to get to my next ferry (late at night) (of which I didn't want to walk) and she offers me a ride! Amen Lady! I was so grateful for  that.

So anyway.
Hello, Seattle.
[Feel free to sing Owl City now.]

mmm-bop.

The Vanderwerf's were a wonderful replacement family for my birthday! we went on a road trip to French beach, which had black sand. we also had birthday cupcakes and kinder surprises!
that night, Lizz and I stayed in Victoria with a new pastoring couple that Walter and Ellen had met earlier.
While making conversation I discovered that my pastor studied at Seminary with David Salverda, my host for the night. He and his wife combined made for a few connections in all. I guess that's the CRC for you.
Lizz and I also saw Gnomeo and Juliet (quite cute).

Today Jake showed me how to crochet. Which reminds me of the one time my brother Alex described to my family that he and his friend had gone crocheting, when he really meant to say "croqueting."
Oh I do love to laugh.

fun fun fun.

I'm having lot's of FUN!
yesterday, Lizz, her friend Nick, and myself went for a little drive to a beach and it was beautiful! We just sat on the rocks mostly, looking and taking pictures.
I absolutely love the combination of mountains, trees and water out here.

I have a dread, Its name is Fred.
The other day, I asked Mrs. Vanderwerf to put a dread in my hair. She so obliged! (She has experience dreading).
It's tucked behind my ear behind some hair so it's kind of a secret. The first couple of days I would forget about it and then remember and be happy.

Today, I had an O'Henry bar (another Canadian candy delicacy). As I was looking at the candy selection I noticed something wrong with the Reese's.
Canadians spell it just "Reese."
Incredible! I could hardly believe that all of Canada misspells such a popular, favorite candy.

what day is it?

I find myself and my lifestyle liberated during my time here.
Maybe it's because I'm with such a dear friend that nothing else really matters.
I've only been here a few days and it feels like I've been here for much longer!

So far I've done a good job by filling up on Kinder Surprises. America is so stupid for not having them.
I realized something tonight. The tradition of the ball dropping on New Years in Times Square is a new concept for Rose, Lizz's sister. As their father explained what it was I began to see how strange and rather ridiculous it is! I just may be converted to a devout Canadian.

I thought of my sister tonight. Lizz is a GEMS helper, so I came along. There is an eleven year old that is taller than me! It's so shocking!

I am so happy I'm here. :)
I am also happy that I've gained four followers!

reunited!!!

I made it to Vancouver Island! 

I woke up at 4 am. rode 2 ferries. and survived pestering customs. But it was all so worth it! 

Lizz has a wonderful family! It feels like it has been a long time I've already spent here, but it's only been an afternoon! 

Lizz gave me an early birthday present--a bright orange ukulele! We are going to learn and play and practice together. 

ready, and, exercise!

This week I have been exercising with my aunt at her gym.
Tuesday and tonight I took a spinning class that she teaches.
Wednesday I took a Zumba class. And I might as well count wednesday night's nerf gun fight with Zach as exercise too.

I've enjoyed these very much and I feel happy to sweat!
Spinning is kind of intense where it leaves my legs burning and wobbly afterwards. And Zumba makes me laugh. It's non stop activity that contains some pretty silly moves. Looking around at other caucasian ladies trying to swing their hips and arms in a latin way would be an hilarious scene if I wasn't one of them. I am reminded of the Dominicans sheer natural talent at dance/merengue which leads me to wonder why I'm dutch...

lounging.

Within the past 24 hours I completed the book, The Shack. I can not remember the last time I did such a thing! There simply were no demands of today. 

I rather liked The Shack. I thought it portrayed a relationship with God in a refreshing perspective. 

You should probably read it, if you haven't already.  

I laugh when I think about today. I shared pretty much the same day as their dogs (Daphne and Delilah). Except the fact that they were sleeping, not reading, and they were petted, I was not. 

And then we all went to the dog park. Then had dinner. Now us, the three musketeers, are lounging in the same room we have been lounging in for a good portion of the day. 

Delilah on the left, Daphne on the right. 

so it begins!

I will start out by saying that i put a considerable amount of time into deciding what i would call my blog. I chose the name Paddlin Madeline because I think it fits the purpose of this blog well. I am on an adventure. I will be paddling my way through the unknowns of the next few months...and the future for that matter. I first heard of Paddlin Madeline from my grandpa and in recent years it has become a nickname from my high school English teacher, Mr. Heeres. It originates from the song "Paddlin' Madelin Home." Way back from the '20s.

I am at my Aunt's house, currently. West of Seattle. I have so far been pleasantly entertained by my 6 year old cousin, Zach. 

This morning for instance: I woke up. Looked out my window. And there he was, flinging seed to the mass of chickens. In shorts and rain boots. 

Last night, with lots of expression says, "I was on my dad's bike so that I can get beefier!"

He also has a book entitled "Children Make Terrible Pets" by Peter Brown. It's hilarious!

In the words of my aunt "You're stuck as my personal nanny slave."